Dedicated to my mother
Family Constellations in Individual Therapy and Counselling
Translated by Colleen Beaumont
Second Edition, 2005
Published by Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag: www.carl-auer.com
Please order our catalogue:
Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag
Vangerowstr. 14
69115 Heidelberg
Germany
Cover: WSP Design, Heidelberg
Printed in Germany
Second edition, 2005
ISBN 978-3-89670-410-8
eISBN 978-3-84978-110-1
© 2003, 2005 by Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any process whatsoever without the written permission of the copyright owner.
Title of the original edition:
„Wenn ich die Augen schließe, kann ich dich sehen“
© 2002 by Carl-Auer-Systeme, Heidelberg
Bibliographic information published by Die Deutsche Bibliothek
Die Deutsche Bibliothek lists this publication in the Deutsche Nationalbibliografie; detailed bibliographic data is available in the Internet at http://dnb.ddb.de.
Letter from Bert Hellinger
Acknowledgements
Foreword
Introduction
I. On Theory
The Development of Constellations
What Is a Constellation?
Constellations in an Individual Setting or in a Group?
Advantages of Constellations in Groups and in Individual Sessions
Constellations in Individual Therapy
Setting
Time Frame
Space, Furnishings, and Equipment
Constellations in On-Going Individual Therapy
Frequency of Sessions
New Constellations
Techniques for Constellations in an Individual Setting
Constellations with Floor Markers of Paper, Cardboard, or Felt
Discourse: The Morphic Field
Getting Information about Other People
Visualized Constellations
Constellations Using Figures
Symptoms, Feelings, and Inner Movements
Reaching Out, Turning Away – Primary and Secondary Feelings, Feelings Taken Over from Another, and Meta-Feelings
Symptoms Are Right
Primary Feelings and Inner Reaching-Out Movements
Secondary Feelings, Inner Turning-Away Movements and Interrupted Reaching-Out Movements
Recognizing Secondary Feelings in the Therapeutic Process
Patterns Taken on from the System: Feelings, Behaviour, Thoughts
Recognizing What Has Been Taken Over from the System
Conflicting Movements
Meta-Feelings
Body and Breathing
Learning
What Happens When You Exhale Deeply?
Body Tension and Relaxation Exercises
Body Awareness and Constellations
A Short Exercise for Body Awareness
What Helps?
Explanations
Suggestions
Vagueness
Questions, Questions, Questions
Language
The Body
Counter-Indications and Disruptions
Grounds for Interrupting or Breaking Off a Constellation
Testing
Accompanying The Therapeutic Process
Client-Therapist Relationships
Counter-Transference as a Signal
Discourse: Counter-Transference
Stay Concrete
Body Reactions
Hyperventilation and Panic Breathing
Resistance
‘Slow’ Clients
No Reaction from the Client
Prevention
Carrying Through
Break Off or Not?
II. On Practice
Constellations in an Individual Practice
Warming Up
Describing the Problem and Clarifying Issues
Notes and Drawings
The Presenting Issue
Outline for a Good Future
Symptoms, Problems, Questions
Understanding Symptoms
Two Levels of Intervention
Eliminating Symptoms and Finding Replacements
Symptoms As Clues
Personal and Family Case History
Discourse: First Impressions and Feeling the Atmosphere
Case History and Life Context
Family History
Who Belongs to the System?
Unusual Features in the Personal or Family History
Resources of the Client and the System
Constellations
Constellations with Markers
Constellations in the Mind’s Eye
Disturbances
Unknown Family Members
Suggestions
Bowing and Consenting
A short exercise for therapists
Sentences
Finding the Right Sentences
An Image of Resolution
Developing Images
The Reality of Resolution Images
Practice and Homework
Exercises and Change
Patterns
Practice Tasks
Body Awareness and Physical States
Observing Behaviour and Inner Processes
Developing Alternatives
Experimenting with Alternatives
Choosing, Planning, and Testing
Beginning Exercise Assignments
Exercises in the Course of Therapy
Exercises Following Constellations
Exercises and Questions for the Therapist
Literature
About the Author
Dear Ursula,
As I read this book, I often closed my eyes and allowed myself to be guided by you, letting forgotten images arise in my mind’s eye and finally truly looking at them. This is a book that held my attention from beginning to end. You guide your readers gently along in small steps, until suddenly they find themselves on a journey of adventure and discovery through their own souls, families, personal histories, and, above all, into a future less burdened by tensions. As they feel themselves carried along, they are also painlessly learning how to bring order into confusion, in themselves and in others. It is easy to forget that this is primarily a book meant for those who wish to use family constellations, particularly in the protected setting of an individual session, in order to help people in difficult, sometimes hopeless, situations come to new insights and recognize new possibilities.
The repertoire that you offer here is astounding, but always clear and easy to understand in the richness of examples. It is a beautiful and useful book that has been long awaited. Congratulations!
Bert Hellinger
My thanks go to Bert Hellinger, who has opened my eyes and my heart to new, broader perspectives that bring a sense of calm and certainty into my work and my personal life. I thank Gunthard Weber, who has given me support and encouragement, and who invited me to write this book for publication. Thanks also go to Muck Bermuda, who never had doubts about me or my work, and who stood by me through every crisis. I thank Hunter Beaumont, from whom I have learned so much about myself and about therapy. He taught me to remain calm and composed as I question and look.
I also thank my friends: firstly, Marianne Franke-Gricksch. In our work together I learned much about feelings, feelings, and feelings; Lisete Tabacnik (posthumously), Sá Cristina Winter and Eve Kroschel, who guided me through the first phases of practical therapeutic work. I continue to profit from their work and knowledge; to Sieglinde Schneider, Inga Wild, Barbara and Hans Eberhard Eberspächer, who openly and generously shared their personal development in constellation work; to my family, and all those who inspired me in conversations, invited me for meals, and were always there for me when I needed them.
I am particularly grateful to Eva Madelung, Brita Stauder-Jahnke, Katrin Wille, and Petra Kirchmann for support and assistance with the manuscript.
Colleen Beaumont deserves a special word of thanks for her elegant translation. Her good humour and relaxed approach made it very easy for me to agree with her suggestions.
Above all, I thank all those who have come to me as clients and students, and who have shared the adventure of therapy with me. Through their questions, their life stories, and ideas, they stimulated a continuing interest in developing co-operative interventions and adapting these to their needs and inner movements until we were able to find a peaceful place to stand.
My work as a therapist began after my course of study, quite naturally, with individual therapy. I had begun a training programme in George Downing’s body-oriented psychotherapy, and was learning to examine and analyse the inner process in bioenergetic work on the physical, cognitive, and emotional levels, and in internal images as well. We were asked to make precise observations and to approach the total therapeutic process slowly and carefully. We saw how easy it was to provoke dramatic outbursts, and we concentrated on observing the effects of interventions, and understanding and interpreting these in all aspects of the client’s personality structure. During my training in behaviour therapy, I discovered other aspects of psychotherapeutic reality. I realized the importance of a clear and systematic structure for looking at learning process and context, and in identifying repeating patterns.
In my first encounter with family constellations, almost ten years ago, my experience as a representative made a deep impression on me. I suddenly experienced myself differently, had thoughts I had never had before, and felt a strong, affectionate connection to a complete stranger. The moment I moved back out of the role, these all disappeared again. I knew immediately that I would have to explore this marvel in my own work. I was lucky enough to find a group of colleagues who were also infected with enthusiasm for constellation work, and we began to experiment. At that time, Bert Hellinger had not yet published any material, so we could only explore the rules and dynamics of family systems through our own experience and observations. As I was doing individual therapy in a psychiatric clinic at that time, I could see, within the contained framework of an individual therapy session, how family systems, traumas, and experiences affect people’s symptoms and how they cope with them.
Shortly thereafter, I chose the topic of systemic family constellations for my doctoral thesis, which provided a good opportunity for me to address these issues in detail. As I was not in a position to lead constellation groups, I set about examining family systems and their effects in individual sessions with my clients. I had learned imaging techniques in my studies and training as well as in my own therapy, and was familiar with inner images, fantasies, associative development of pictures, scripts, and dreams. I experimented with various techniques, and found that I could most easily identify the images of systemic connections and life experiences by using observations and interventions taken from body work therapy.
One day, I decided to set up a small constellation with a client using floor markers, as I had observed and experienced in the work of Eva Madelung. This experience was pivotal in my work. I suggested that my client imagine her father standing in the room. She moved immediately into her inner images, and feelings and emotions burst forth out of her. I chose not to interrupt this imaging process, and followed her through her inner space and the dynamics that were appearing before our very eyes. With astounding ease, we arrived at insights, explanations, and an understanding of her situation and her connections within her family system. A few weeks later she came to a seminar with her husband, and these first images were confirmed in her constellation at that time.
I was quickly relieved of any doubts whether other clients had this capacity for inner visualization and my own doubts whether I was capable of following these images and helping them to develop. Most importantly, it became apparent to me that difficulty in finding images is already an indication of the dynamics in the family system. At this point, in individual therapy, I work almost exclusively with constellations in the mind’s eye. The space is ample, and all the people we need for the process and for resolution are there at hand.
Constellation work in individual therapy provides an opportunity for both client and therapist to become familiar with a way of thinking systemically and the resultant effects. It is well suited for developing competence in leading constellations later in group settings. Constellations in individual sessions provide a contained framework for gathering experience in small steps with dynamics, possible interventions, and helpful procedures. In this way, one develops the capacity for coping with increasing complexity. In personal contact with the client, the therapist can experiment with the structure of the process, various sentences, and their effects on feelings and bodily sensations in the search for a good resolution and good images for the client.
In order to do constellations in individual therapy and counselling, it is strongly recommended that the therapist have observed and experienced constellations and read the background literature on the subject. The therapist needs the basis of the systemic orders, bonding, and balance before working with actual clients. The dynamics have been detailed in many books. Personal experience doing one’s own constellation – also in individual sessions, depending on the opportunities available – and particularly, experience as a representative in others’ constellations lay a foundation for guiding a client through this process in individual therapy. The optimal preparation is, of course, a training programme in this work and professional supervision. Various institutes and colleagues offer such training world-wide. Information about training programmes is available through the International Arbeitsgemeinschaft Systemische Lösungen nach Bert Hellinger e.V., [The International Working Group for Bert Hellinger’s Systemic Resolutions] c/o Germaniastr. 12, D-80802 Munich, Germany, Tel. +49+89+381 027 10, Fax +49+89+381 027 12, e-mail: network@hellinger.com or on Bert Hellinger’s website at www.hellinger.com.
This book is divided into two sections. In the first part, I describe the foundations of my therapeutic work. The second part addresses the inner processes, questions, and decisions leading to interventions, that guide me through the process of a constellation. The main focus is on the techniques of constellations in the imagination, which I have developed over years of experience and observation. The procedures presented in this book rest on a broad range of therapeutic knowledge and experience from various psychological methods and approaches.
I have changed names and personal details in all examples so that clients will not be identifiable.
Bert Hellinger’s constellation work is a form of brief therapy with an orientation towards resolution. This work quickly and precisely reveals dynamics that bind a person to his or her relationship system in a dysfunctional way, and that constrain coping strategies and personal development, thereby preventing the person from structuring his or her life in a positive way. The methods of constellation work incorporate techniques, procedures and experiences from other psychotherapeutic approaches including hypnotherapy, behaviour therapy, gestalt therapy, and systemic therapy.
Constellation work has built on the contributions of many predecessors, including Jakob Moreno, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy and Virginia Satir. A brief introduction to these three important approaches will clarify how constellations, in a psychotherapeutic context, use spatial images, spatial representation, and trans-generational perspectives (Franke 2002; Sparrer and Varga von Kibèd 2000).
The psychiatrist Jakob Moreno was the pioneer of systemic dramatic therapy. In the thirties, he began using improvisational theatre with his patients, an approach he called psychodrama. He thus introduced a completely new concept of therapy and offered this theatre-like scenario as a contrast to the usual psychoanalytic, static individual approach of that time. Moreno brought in observers who soon became participants in the play. He presented the problems and suffering of each patient in a public arena, with an unfolding of creative potential for everyone present. He turned away from an examination of the past as he guided his clients’ awareness towards the actions and interactions of the present.
Moreno had stages constructed on which scenes could be acted out: inner dramas, dreams, fantasies, and reality. Props provided a representation of the life context that was as close as possible to reality. Using this freedom of presentation and the creativity of all the participants, he attempted to penetrate levels not usually apparent to the patient in his or her daily life.
Psychodrama was designed to develop alternative methods of handling difficult situations. As a therapeutic method, it created a space in which a client could experiment with new behaviours within a social context, and also supported the development of spontaneity. Clients could test their fears and anxieties against reality, and the role-playing facilitated changes in behaviour.
At the beginning of the seventies, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy described structures of relationship which were beyond the boundaries of individual and transactional approaches to psychotherapy. He drew these structures from the repetitive, almost predictable events he had observed in the family histories of thousands of families in his psychiatric hospital practice. These led him to the conclusion that the depth of relationships was determined by existential ethical dynamics.
As these structural effects were not externally visible, he described them as “Invisible Loyalties”, the title of his first book (1973). In his experience, these invisible loyalties have a stronger effect than those actions which can be seen, or the learned patterns that can be assumed from the biographical information.
The strong influence of Martin Buber is visible in Boszormenyi-Nagy’s emphasis on a balance between giving and taking (Buber, 1996). An essential element of relationship was described by Boszormenyi-Nagy as an implicit ethic which demands justice and retribution, often extending over multiple generations. He developed the model of a personal accounting ledger of debt and contribution, monitored by an intrinsic trans-generational tribunal. There must be a balance in the relationship between what is received and what is given. The burden of settling the account rests with the future and the next generations rather than with past generations and past actions. When one person contributes, there is a credit established in the system which entitles that person to receive something. Debts which are not cancelled out, are passed on to the next generations. Boszormenyi-Nagy’s “contextual therapy” with individuals, couples and families, attended primarily to this balance of intra-psychic ledgers (Boszormenyi-Nagy: Between Give and Take, 1986).
Virginia Satir developed a broad repertoire of therapeutic techniques. Her work was strongly focused on communication within the system. The members of a family who came to her for counselling or therapy were guided and supported in open communication with one another. Her work was based on the following principles:
– Change is possible.
– We already have within us the resources we need for our personal development and growth.
– People do as well as they can at any given time.
– The more we can accept the past, the greater will become our capabilities for dealing with the present.
– People connect on the basis of their similarities, and grow through their differences.
– We are all manifestations of the same life force.
– Healthy human relationships are based on an equality of values.
– When it is possible to raise a client’s feelings of self-esteem so that he or she can accept others as they are, the basis for change is established.
According to Satir’s metaphor of an iceberg, we can only see the tip of a client’s behaviour. Underlying this is the “self” which is based on attitudes, awareness, feelings, expectations, and longings.
Satir called the family sculptures that she developed “techniques of a family simulation.” In this method, the family members were arranged to reveal the relationships in the structure of the family by using a spatial presentation. The family members themselves took on the roles, or else these were played by participants of the workshop. Every family member presented a picture of the family, which made it clear to everyone how the communication patterns and family rules were experienced differently by each person.
Satir used this sculpture work within the framework of her family reconstructions, her term for the client’s intense confrontation with his or her family history. The client brings in pictures, a family tree, and a genogram which describes the relationships and all known details of the lives of the family members. In reconstructions, which often went on for days, the inter-relationships and social network of the family members were examined and presented, and missing pieces of the family history could be expanded upon.
Building on these methods, Bert Hellinger developed constellations as a form of group therapy. In a seminar, a client identifies an issue, a problem, or symptoms, and describes what he or she is seeking as a resolution. The therapist collects information about the important people and events in the client’s life, and in the lives of the parents and grandparents. Based on the facts and feelings, the therapist develops a hypothesis about the family dynamics involved, and tests this hypothesis in a constellation.
Clients choose representatives from the group participants to represent important family members, including a representative for themselves, and set them in a spatial relationship to one another, according to their inner image. The therapist asks each representative for feedback about physical sensations, feelings, and awareness. These statements confirm or change the original hypothesis. The therapist broadens his or her picture of the dynamics and resolutions and begins to experiment with changes in the constellation placements. Often, additional representatives are added for people who have an impact on the dynamics of the system. When all the representatives have found a “good” place, the client takes the place of his or her representative in the constellation. The therapist may ask the representatives of the family to utter certain sentences, or complete certain rituals in order to help the client move towards a resolution. Many constellations lead to insights about inter-psychic dynamics or relationships that are having an effect on the health and well-being of the client. Some lead to an image of resolution that brings physical and emotional relief, and that continues to have an effect over a long period of time.
For some years now, these insights have also been applied in individual therapy. This can be useful when there is no group setting readily available, when time considerations preclude a group experience, or when a client, for whatever reason, is not in a position to participate in a group. So much experience has now been gathered and refined using constellations in an individual setting, both with constellations in the imagination and those utilizing floor anchors, that this can now be considered a good alternative to constellations in groups.
Many clients come to individual therapy sessions accompanied by their partner or spouse. In this case, as in a regular group setting, the therapist can ask each of them to set up a constellation of the current relationship. If it becomes clear that one or the other of the couple is carrying a heavy burden from their family of origin, the therapist can move to a constellation of the family of origin of that person. The partner remains present as an observer. Since the two have shown a mutual trust and interest by coming to a therapy session together, allowing the partner to remain as a support in the background almost always meets with a positive response. In the final, resolving image of the constellation, the partner can be included as a resource for the client and as the primary relationship partner in the present. Constellations done in the presence of a partner or spouse strengthen understanding between the two and deepen the bonds. (Further references to constellations with couples: Neuhauser 2001.)
When a therapist is feeling at a loss for ideas in a particular case and brings this dilemma into supervision for assistance, a constellation can often provide clarity and stimulate new impulses for movement. The dynamics which lead the therapist to supervision are usually due to personal blind spots or to difficult, complicated family structures. Such questions can also be addressed in an individual setting. Using a constellation, the position and attitude of the therapist can be looked at in relation to the family dynamics of the client in question. At the same time, the therapist can find strength and resolution from his or her own family system by gathering resources from that system and examining his or her own family structure in relationship to that of the client.
Constellations in groups, as well as individual sessions, are applicable in psychosomatic clinics, counselling, schools, in mediation, in organizational consulting, and in human resources development. They help to clarify the dynamics of the context, to gain understanding of the family connections, and to find a position of inner strength and helpful inner images for the client.
In therapy, we come into contact with the biographical-constructivist and the systemic-phenomenological levels of reality. Usually, the client describes his or her symptoms at an ego level, formed by experiences in life. The client has experienced injuries, influences, and has learned patterns of behaviour. He or she has usually tried to escape the symptoms through willpower and discipline, and to realize hopes, visions, and desires in others and in him or herself.
Constellations allow a view of the dynamics of the family systems which lie beyond the level of biographical experiences: the “systemic entanglements” (Hellinger) or the “invisible bonds” (Boszormenyi-Nagy). This level of archaic order represents a more comprehensive dimension, and is normally at an unconscious level for the client. Nevertheless, the person feels the effects. In a constellation group, the client finds access to this archaic level through the experience and feedback of the representatives. The response from the representatives does not spring from the biographical level of experience, but rather from the phenomenological level. The representatives are not bound to the client’s family system, and normally have very little information about this system at all. Nonetheless, they can provide clear statements about relationships and their qualities. Physical reactions provide further indications about dynamics which the client cannot recognize.
In an individual setting, this external source of information is not available. The basic question arises whether it is possible to achieve the phenomenological quality that comes from the statements of neutral representatives, and if so, how. The question for the therapist is how to test out the client’s images for this quality.
In constellation groups, a client is not only exposed to his or her own family dynamics, but also has an intense experience of the family dynamics of other participants over a period of several days. The experiences as observer, or sometimes as a representative, provide a differentiated insight into systemic connections and possible resolutions. When some complicating factor in the system is far removed from the client, and cannot be tapped cognitively through memories or other methods, the resonance of the entire group, as well as the body awareness and comments of representatives may be particularly useful in providing clues.
A group is advantageous for clients who are dealing with early childhood issues or traumas as well as for addressing a so-called interrupted reaching-out movement. When a client regresses physically and emotionally to an infantile state, interventions appropriate to the inner processes of that stage are helpful. Appropriate methods for these deeply emotional processes occasionally include the methods of primal therapy as well as procedures from holding therapy. The support of a group and/or a co-therapist is a great help in this situation.
Individual work has an advantage for a therapist who is just beginning to work with constellations, in that he or she is not subjected to the complexity of the numerous comments and dynamics brought in by representatives in a group. The therapist can begin by looking at a single dynamic or examining the formative or feeling qualities of a relationship, and observe the changes when one or more persons appear in the relationship structure. Particularly in constellations using floor markers or figures, the client can look at the family from various perspectives, and observe the family structure from all sides, that is, from a meta-position from without. Individual sessions serve to make the client familiar with the method and the art of thinking systemically, and also facilitate clarification of questions following the constellation.