Sheila Norton lives near Chelmsford in Essex with her husband, and worked for most of her life as a medical secretary, before retiring early to concentrate on her writing. Sheila is the award-winning writer of numerous women’s fiction novels and over 100 short stories, published in women’s magazines. She has three married daughters, six little grandchildren, and over the years has enjoyed the companionship of three cats and two dogs.
When not working on her writing Sheila enjoys spending time with her family and friends, as well as reading, walking, swimming, photography and travel. For more information visit www.sheilanorton.com
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Epub ISBN: 9781473550155
Version 1.0
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Ebury Press, an imprint of Ebury Publishing
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Ebury Press is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com
Copyright © Sheila Norton, 2017
Sheila Norton has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This novel is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental
First published in the UK in 2017 by Ebury Press
www.penguin.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Back in London, and back at work, it felt even more as though my time in Hope Green had been a silly romantic fantasy. It was good to stay busy – it was helping to keep my mind off everything. I’d been so worried about leaving Nana, knowing how sad it would be for her now, with no welcoming tail-wagging when she got up in the mornings or no warm furry companion to snuggle at her feet in the evenings. I knew she had good friends in the village, but it wasn’t the same as having company at home, especially at night. She’d been in the habit of talking to Rufus all the time. Would she be talking to herself now that I’d left her on her own? My eyes kept filling with tears at the thought of her loneliness. She refused to admit she was lonely, of course, and I knew better than to contradict her protestations that she was ‘perfectly all right, just have to keep myself busy, don’t you worry about me’.
I’d talked to Claire about Joe – the humiliation was still so fresh in my mind and I wanted an outlet for my feelings – without mentioning the ridiculous schoolgirl crush I’d been in danger of developing, of course. I told her all about how he was the rudest, most obnoxious man it was possible to imagine. I might have exaggerated slightly and embellished some of my encounters with him so that he probably came across more like an evil pantomime villain than merely a grumpy, bad-tempered male. However, in my mind, he deserved every word of it. But when Claire asked if Joe was still moody when I saw him as a client, I suddenly remembered his gentleness with Rufus, the way his whole demeanour had altered as he dealt with him and the kindness he’d shown to Nana and me on the morning of his death.
‘No,’ I had said quickly. ‘No, in fact he was completely different then. So that’s something.’
‘Good.’ She gave me a sideways look. ‘So what’s he like?’
‘I told you! Cross, rude—’
‘That’s not what I meant. Old, young, tall, short …?’ She looked at me even more directly and I felt myself going slightly pink. ‘Good-looking? Fit?’
‘Not particularly.’ I blushed. ‘Anyway, he’s married with a little girl, and to be honest they’re welcome to him.’
‘I see. Well, let’s just be thankful he doesn’t work with us at James Street.’
But I couldn’t waste too much time regretting my embarrassing faux pas with Joe Bradley. I was meeting Adam to have the conversation, about the baby. He was waiting for me in our favourite bar after work.
‘You look well,’ he said, pulling me close for a kiss.
I’d already told him about Rufus, and he’d been surprisingly sweet about it, considering he’d never particularly liked dogs. For the first time in ages it had made me feel as if perhaps we were back on track together, and had reminded me of how nice Adam could be and why I fell for him in the first place. So maybe the conversation would go okay after all. Perhaps he’d take the news all right, perhaps we’d actually be able to make a go of it together: Adam and me and the baby.
I needed to ignore my doubts, try to sound positive. Telling him straight away would be best, I thought – he was leaning close to me, holding my hand; I could catch him while he was looking particularly tender and caring. Blurting it out in the middle of a random conversation would probably give him a cardiac arrest.
When I’d accidentally brought up the topic of children during our chat before my holiday, in this same bar, he’d freaked out merely at the suggestion that I might want kids at all. In a way, it felt as if I’d somehow brought this pregnancy on myself by subconsciously wishing for it, although I knew that was ridiculous.
‘Adam, there’s something I have to tell you.’
‘What?’ He looked worried. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No. Well, yes, in a way.’ I took a gulp of my drink he’d bought for me. Get it over with! ‘I’m … Well, it might come as a bit of a shock…’
‘A shock?’ he repeated, looking down and fiddling with his beer mat. ‘Are you about to say you want to finish with me?’
I hadn’t expected that. ‘No, that isn’t—’
‘No? You’ve been giving me that impression recently.’ He was standing the beer mat on its edge, trying to spin it like a top. I wished he’d leave the bloody thing alone. ‘What with not wanting to spend the holiday with me – all that crap about needing time apart,’ he added sulkily.
So it was still a sore point, after all.
‘Well, yes, I know I said that,’ I admitted. ‘We’d been arguing a lot, hadn’t we, so yes, I thought we should give each other some space, but—’
‘I suppose you think it’s all my fault.’ His tone completely changed. He slapped the beer mat back on the table and looked up at me. ‘Just because I’m more realistic than you about the future, about how much we need to save for a deposit on a place of our own.’
‘No, that’s not what I’m saying at all, Adam – it’s nothing to do with that!’ This wasn’t going the right way at all. I really didn’t want us to start arguing before I’d even given him the news. ‘Look, I just thought it’d help if we had a break, so that we’d miss each other, and after the holiday we’d feel happier and—’
‘But instead, you’ve decided to call it a day. Or have you met someone else?’ he levelled at me. ‘Is that it?’
‘No!’ I stared at him. ‘Adam, where has this all come from? For God’s sake, I’m not trying to break up with you. I’m trying to tell you I’m pregnant.’ The words came out in a rush.
‘Pregnant?’ He couldn’t have looked more horrified if he’d tried. He actually pushed his chair back from the table, as if he wanted to make sure I didn’t touch him. ‘You can’t be.’
‘Well, I’ve got two positive pregnancy tests that would beg to differ. I know it’s a shock – I couldn’t believe it myself at first – but…’
He was silent for a minute, just staring at me. Then: ‘How long have you known?’
‘Since just before I went away.’
‘And you didn’t think you ought to tell me first?’ He raised his voice. People were looking at us.
‘Not really, no. I needed time to adjust to the idea myself, to be honest.’
‘I suppose you told your nan? And your parents? And Claire? I suppose everyone knows except me?’
‘No.’ I was beginning to feel upset by his tone. ‘Nobody knows yet. I wanted to tell you first. I knew you’d be surprised, but—’
‘Surprised? That’s a bit of an understatement! I can’t believe you’d do this, Sam. It’s a pretty underhand way of going about things, isn’t it?’
I stared back at him. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Getting pregnant – ha! Just as we’re going through a rough patch.’ He gave a snort, like it was funny, but neither of us were laughing. ‘So what’s the idea, Sam? Planning on being a single parent, are you, with me being the bloody mug – the sperm donor – who has to fork out for child maintenance for the next eighteen years?’
I gasped and felt my face turning red with shock and disbelief.
‘No!’ I managed to squawk. ‘It wasn’t deliberate, for God’s sake! Do you honestly think I’d want to be a single mum? And anyway—’
‘Oh, of course, you said you don’t even want to break up with me.’ He gave another sarcastic snort. ‘What, then? You’re trying to force me into your little romantic cottage fantasy, I suppose? Getting married, God forbid, and bringing up a whole brood of kids – well, you’ll have to find someone else, I’m afraid, because I’m not—’
‘Adam, stop it!’ I raised my own voice, stopping him in his tracks. I wasn’t going to cry. I was too shocked to cry, anyway. ‘Or I’m walking straight out of here and going home. I knew you wouldn’t be pleased, but I’m not listening to any more of this.’
He picked up his glass, scowling, and took a gulp of his drink.
‘I was hoping we could make a go of it,’ I went on, my voice trembling now. ‘For the sake of the baby, at least. But if this is how you’re going to be—’
‘Forget it!’ he snapped. ‘If that’s all you want me for, Sam – just to use me, for the sake of the baby – when it’s quite clear you don’t love me any more—’
I’d had enough. I stood up, rummaging in my purse with shaking hands for some money, which I then threw on the table for my unfinished drink. I was burning up with anger – anger and disappointmentwas