The topic of body language, or nonverbal communication, is an interesting one. Body language has always fascinated people. We have always wanted to understand the message behind the words; we have always would like to know what people really mean by a glance, a blush or a gesture.
Now we have realized not only that we can use body language to analyze other individuals' actions, but that we can also use it to give ourselves increased effectiveness in life. Now body talk can help us be successful in life, in love and at work.
Humans have probably always understood instinctively that our non-verbal communication is just as crucial as our verbal communication. How many of us were told when young to 'stand straight as our parents realized that would make us look more intelligent, attractive or excellent. Now research has shown that if we change the way we present ourselves to the world-with good friends, at work and in love we stand a much greater chance of success.
This book clarifies how to improve your nonverbal communication, and the specifically commissioned illustrations show you what works and what does not It motivates you to examine and interpret others' body language so that you can tell beforehand how to react to them, and then adapt your own body language for optimal effect.
If your aim is to get the most out of life, then what you need is 'body language.' The research study of body language-the art of non-verbal communication-- is perhaps the most amazing and helpful development in individual psychology today. It adds a whole new measurement to what you can understand about people and a whole new set of possibilities regarding what you can accomplish in the world.
Humans use various channels of communication. Yet, regardless of thousands of years of human development, we have related to only the verbal channels as essential-- what we say and what we write. It's only during the last forty years or so that we've realized that there's an entire channel-- non-verbal communication that is just as essential as words, because it gives us just as much, if not more, information about what people are thinking and feeling. Some estimates suggest that up to 93 percent of the information we receive about any circumstance comes non-verbally rather than verbally. So, whenever you chat with a friend, ask your boss for a raise or set out to seduce, what you do may be up to thirteen times as information-packed as what you say.
Mind-reading
Body language not only gives you extra information about other individuals and about yourself, it also gives you different info While individuals' words tell you only what they consciously want you to know, their nonverbal communication tells you a whole variety of other things, much of which they might not know they're exposing, or perhaps understand themselves. People's basic personality, the role they're playing the feelings they feel, the direction of their ideas, their relationships with others-- not to mention what they actually think about you-body language communicates it all. And whereas individuals' words can hide a plethora of tricks, their nonverbal communication is much more tough to fake.
Similarly, naturally, your own nonverbal communication will whether you like it or not-transmit information about yourself to others. And studies have shown that what you 'say' non-verbally is typically a lot more influential than what you say verbally, not only as it bypasses the mindful mind of a listener and speaks straight to his or her subconscious, but also since people rather rightly trust non-verbal messages more than they trust words. The bad news is that your nonverbal communication is making declarations about you all the time, and some of these might be things you are attempting to hide. The good thing is that properly and truly used, body language can state what you couldn't perhaps say aloud, in a way that truly reaches other people. I am proficient ... I really need your support ...! like you. I love you.'
Body movement isn't only about communication, though. What psychologists have realized over the past decade is that if you change your nonverbal communication, you can actually change all kinds of things about your technique to life. You can, for example, alter your mood before going to a celebration, develop a much better feeling toward your partner or feel more positive at work. And, obviously, if your nonverbal communication really moves, and you interact in a different way with people around you, then they in turn will respond in a different way to you-so that the way you forecast yourself to others will be shown back to you, in a neat circular process.
Words of warning
Since nonverbal communication is such an effective tool, you need to make sure when using it. So, before you start, several words of care!
First, it's a myth that body language enables you to read a person like a book. This theory. which was an effort to 'alphabetize' non-verbal communication by specifying a single gesture as having a single meaning, was initially fashionable in the sixties. If people scratched their noses, that meant they were lying. It didn't matter whether they were scratching because their nose itched, since they were anxious or since nose-scratching was an essential ritual in their subculture-they were still seen as lying. Nowadays, we know it's just not that basic. Body movement aspects vary in meaning, and can be understood only in the setting of an individual's life circumstance.
Second, using body language effectively isn't about ignoring the words. Though we human entities are apes-and a lot of the body language sequences we use come directly from those developed by apes-- we are nonetheless talking apes. Therefore, much of this book is about using nonverbal communication along with the words, to stress them, to elaborate on them, to manage them or even to oppose them. To be a very real body language specialist, use your non-verbal skills in addition to, not instead of, your verbal ones.
Finally, do not think you can use body language to get others to do what you want. People aren't fools. If you try applying non-verbal methods so as to control somebody into liking you then naturally they will react to what you do - but they're going to also respond far more strongly to those of your actions that reveal your control. They'll sign up, often automatically, your false smile, your moving eyes, your anxious stutter-- and will act accordingly. So if you're expecting to be able to rule the world through nonverbal communication, you are going to be disappointed.
Practice makes perfect
How can you best use nonverbal communication? The initial step is to develop your powers of observation, collecting as much knowledge as possible when you engage with others. Looking is the most apparent way and probably the channel through which you're going to acquire most information. Listen, too, not so much to individuals' real words but to the way those words are said, the way voices sound as people speak. Your other three senses, touch, smell and taste, can also tell you an unexpected amount: the heat and moisture of a coworker's handshake can give you important clues regarding how positive he is about the meeting, a good friend's body odor will actually move if she ends up being afraid throughout a scary movie; a lover's taste will change as he ends up being aroused.
As you be more expert, you will be able to notice not only the more apparent macro-clues, like individuals' gestures or facial expressions. You'll also be able to identify the much more subtle and a lot more fascinating 'micro clues.' So, though initially you may spot only the macro clue of someone's mad clenched fist, in time you are going to also register the micro-clue of their skin color change when they just begin feeling inflamed. With practice, your mastery of micro-clues will let you understand - and even anticipate - just how those around you are thinking and feeling, and so be one step ahead all the time.
Pay more attention to your own body language, too: you yourself are a major source of info, Monitor your external signs, seeing how, as you respond to what's going on, your body position changes, your motions adjust your voice alters, your breathing shifts. Screen, too, the internal signals that only you are well aware of the butterflies in your stomach that tell you are delighted, the tension headache that alerts you to stress, the internal picture of your lover's face when you think of him, the internal noise of a good friend's voice when you imagine talking with her. These are vital signs of what your body is telling you.
To know just what to keep an eye out for, you need a body movement vocabulary. The following are the vital elements of this, the ones on which this book is based:
APPEARANCE: Look at an individual's height, their natural skin, hair and eye color, their body shape. Within the limitations of plastic surgery and the camouflage of outfits, all these things can tell you accurately what a person's gender is, their age. racial background and culture.
STYLE AND IMAGE: Notice clothes, hairdo, makeup, devices. These generally show you momentary things, such as age, the style sub-culture with which an individual identifies, their status in society, what sort of job they have and their leisure interests.
POSTURE: Notice especially the way someone stands, how they arrange their body, the angle at which they hold their body and head, and the direction in which their limbs are pointing. These components cannot only give clues to permanent things such as training and age. but can also reveal passing thoughts and feelings, particularly interest respect and approval.
GESTURE AND MOVEMENT: These are particularly crucial when used with words, stressing and adding psychological markers' to speech, rather like the punctuation marks that can give extra meaning to written words. Everyone may well also have an individualized set of gestures he or she regularly uses-look especially at torso and limb movements, gestures of hands and feet, and head nods and shakes.
FACIAL EXPRESSION: Irreversible facial lines built up in time tell us about character, notice the 'try hard' wrinkles between an individual's eyebrows, or the tiny, inward mouth lines that represent a keeping' personality. Also crucial are short lived facial expressions like frowns, which show you how a person thinks, feels and relates moment to moment.
EYE MOTION: We give and receive more information from the eyes than from any other part of the body. They're especially vital for showing state of minds and relationships between people -lovers look, rivals look, while liars often stay away from eye contact. Pay attention to gaze direction, eye shape, pupil size, length of look and what the eyebrows do.
VOICE: Words aren't part of nonverbal communication, but the voice that speaks them is. Voice gives a wealth of information about standard background: culture, class, age, sex, birth place, color, race. Some studies even suggest that you can tell an individual's height from their voice. Variations in volume, pitch and rhythm also demonstrate how we feel and whether something is very important to us.
SMELL AND TASTE: Everybody has an individual odor and taste 'signature' that develops in the mouth and in body hair. It can signify an individual's general health, food choices and emotions of anger, fear or sexual arousal. Smell and taste are also crucial in creating a bond between people.
ENVIRONMENT: Body language is about more than just what people do. It's also about the non-verbal declarations they make when they develop their environment. Architecture, room size, furniture style, light and temperature level choices, personal privacy needs, in the house and at work, can all tell you what is very important to someone, their standard personality and how they associate with others.
TOUCH: Touch, or lack of it, demonstrates how close people are and typically shows that strong emotion is being shared. Touch is also used in discussion to highlight a point, and in power relationships to show control and supremacy.
PHYSICAL FUNCTIONS: The body's physical functions, like breathing patterns, heart-rate, blood pressure, skin color, sweat levels, skin temperature and body fluids, show what somebody is feeling. They are instantaneous signals both of physical sensation and of emotional reaction.
INTERNAL BODY signs: The messages you give from inside are just as much a function of nonverbal communication as those it manifests on the outside. Know any internal photos or sounds that you experience when you think of a person or something. Understand where any internal experience is, and what it feels like-moving or still, heavy or light, warm or cold, relaxed or tense.
Translating the message Once you've learned to observe carefully and properly, then you can begin to work out the meaning of what you're noticing. This isn't as easy as it may appear. As has been mentioned before, one single component of body language might not always have just one particular meaning but several different ones, depending on the specific setting and circumstance.
First, think of a person's background when interpreting what they do.
Everybody's body language has its roots in their society and upbringing: we learn the vast majority of our nonverbal skills when we are children from the grownups around us. Obviously there are general signals that everyone uses, so most nonverbal communication you see will fit the descriptions in this book (though these descriptions are based mostly on Western research and so won't always apply to people from simply African, Asian or Middle Eastern cultures).
Similarly, an individual's body language will always be personalized. Your buddy's irritated blink may, for instance, be your associate's indication of uneasiness. So if you analyze your colleague's nonverbal communication as suggesting the exact same as that of your friend, you're going to spend a good deal of time wondering why she is inflamed with you and attempting unnecessarily to calm her down. Watch individuals' patterns in time to get what nonverbal specialists call 'baseline conduct, which is their regular way of acting.
Also, when you observe a single aspect of nonverbal communication, take a look at completely what else is going on in the circumstance in which you see it What can you tell from the person's whole body to get a complete image of what is going on? What are their other body signals saying, do they validate your interpretation or contradict it? How are other people reacting to what is happening do they see things in a different way from the way you do? What took place prior to and just after what you have seen that will help put it in context and give it more meaning?
You should also keep an eye out for brief set sequences of body language signals that always take place together, for instance, when a person is shocked by an unexpected noise, chuckles to launch the stress, then unwinds with a sigh. By being able to read not only the single cues-- the words of body language-but also these sequences-or 'sentences'-- you are going to have the ability to comprehend much more about what is going on.
When such a series has developed and ended up being elegant in human social interaction- such as the complex, non verbal routine we go through when we bid farewell to a person.
it typically has a different meaning from a spontaneous sequence so be prepared to interpret it differently.
You'll also, with practice, be able to spot broad patterns in a person's body language, where some components integrate to tell you something more general than just how they're feeling at this exact moment. Clusters of signals in the way a person stands, looks and talks can show you what sort of person they're or what their attitude to a particular aspect of life is.
Acting Once you have observed and analyzed either your own or another person's body language, then you can act.
You can use body language to get more of what you want to achieve success in what you do, to create closer bonds with others, to help or support friends or lovers and to improve your confidence.
When doing something about it, you have 3 choices Surprisingly, the first and typically the best choice is simply to let your own body language instincts take control of. For everybody communicates nonverbally, all the time, as a natural, unconscious part of their lives.
If a buddy is sobbing and you feel miserable for her, then you will instantly lean forward, and your eyes will spontaneously get a gleam of wetness that indicates your empathy. You don't really need purposely to decide to do this your body will naturally and effectively mirror your emotions. So, in tons of situations, trusting your impulses is the best option.
Your final option enters into play when you decide to use some element of nonverbal communication deliberately, or to intentionally change what you would naturally do. It may be that you feel understanding to a good friend, but do not know the best non-verbal way to show that. Or it could be that your natural expressions of sympathy aren't working and you really need more alternatives. If so, this book will help by outlining what develops success in non verbal communication, and by suggesting ways you can attain that success for yourself.